They say write about the thing you’re most afraid to write about, eh? I’m gonna do it. *deep inhale* The societal justice “-isms” are about power and control.  Sexism, racism, colorism, etc. are all systematic and rooted in privilege. Therefore, until the unspoken laws of society change, there is no reverse. *wipes sweat* There, I said it. I have no regrets.

These days you say the word “privilege” in conversation and it’s like an internal alarm within the listener’s ear fires, “Code V: Someone in here is trying to play VICTIM! Be. On. Guard!!!” Let’s begin here: privilege is not a sin. It just …is. It exists.

Many objects are convenient for right-handed users and most infrastructure is conveniently suited for able-bodied individuals. Does this mean that the left-handed or physically disabled can’t function in society? No. They just don’t carry the same convenience privilege as their counterparts. These are rarely acknowledged, yet hardly debatable facts. Why then is the concept of privilege so controversial to address when applied elsewhere?

There was a beautiful illustration circulating around a few years ago, which attempted to explain the concept of privilege. In the video, several people were gathered at one end of a field and told that the first person to make it to other side would win a huge prize. Just as everyone braced themselves for take-off, the leader halted the countdown to announce a few extra rules. He asked a series of questions that afforded some the advantage of taking a few steps forward before the race could begin. He yelled commands like, “Will anyone who did NOT have to simultaneously work to pay for their education while attending school please take 5 steps forward!” He continued on this trend until you could see the look of discouragement on the faces of those not stepping forward beginning to recognize the disadvantage that they would have in the race. It was clear that for some it would be improbable to win, unless by some miracle they had the capacity to sprint 5x faster than those who were now only a short jog away from the finish line.

The concept was brilliant; life was the field and success was the finish line. And yet, leave it to people on the internet to miss the point completely, pick the video apart and leave comments denying the indisputable existence of White privilege underneath a video where race was actually never mentioned at all. I’ll admit a sliver of my faith in humanity withered away that day.

Case in point, we all carry some sort of privilege. And again, it’s not a crime. The problem arises when we deny that privilege and assert that our experiences are somehow equal to our disadvantaged counterparts—or worse, gaslight those individuals into believing that their clear disadvantage was by some fault of their own.

The thing is that privilege is in and of itself unrecognizable. That’s kind of the point. It takes quite a bit of introspection to pinpoint exactly how and why certain privileges are advantageous. Complaining that it was pretty hard to study on certain nights when my parents—who have now been married for 30+ years—were arguing means absolutely nothing to a person who spent their entire life wishing that they hadn’t grown up in a single-parent home. In shifting my perspective, I can more easily recognize how much of a privilege it was to not have endured the emotional and sometimes extreme financial adjustments that come with severed family ties. But inevitably someone out there reading this is practically exploding to say, “I had ZERO advantage! Growing up with married parents DOES NOT equal smooth sailing in life!”

Herein lies the problem.

Privilege does not mean that your life was smooth sailing. Privilege is essentially invisible. I have no frame of reference for what it means to exist as a non-heterosexual or immigrated individual in today’s society. However, I do know the complexities of existing as an African-American woman in our society. I can feel the tension thickening here guys. Relax.

All I’m saying is that to the lighter-skinned women who think that skin color is impactful for all shades of brown, you’re absolutely right. However, asserting that colorism exists in reverse is inherently false. Oprah gave darker-skinned women a documentary because it’s very seldom that we have the floor to speak up about the differential treatment we receive without immediately being silenced by those who perpetuate and/or benefit from that same differential treatment. There was no need for a slap-in-the-face counter documentary; however, there is a need for a conversation—many conversations, until a mutual understanding is achieved.

Call me devil’s advocate, but I can understand what it’s like to receive the residual blow that comes with existing on the privileged side of an -ism. It’s pretty annoying to have grown up being compared to the anatomy of a stick, receiving the brunt end of jokes probing me to eat more food and also having certain women dislike me due to perceived jealously based solely on my exterior appearance; however, you’ll never find me petitioning for a “For Skinny Girls” documentary. Because its understood that even with all the current efforts to obliterate body shaming, and the budding platforms to uplift naturally curvy women, I still move through life with the socially advantageous privilege of being naturally thin. I once had to explain to a friend why it was unnecessary to adopt “HWCU” as a term just because of the existence of Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCU’s). I think this same concept can also be applied to All Lives M–nevermind.

People don’t like having their personal struggles silenced just because they exist on the privileged side of an -ism. It’s like Johnny exclaiming, “That’s unfair! Why can you make rich people jokes about me, but I can’t make poor people jokes about you? You wouldn’t like it if I did it to you!” Truth is, Johnny is correct. It does go both ways in the sense that no one likes it. Therefore, arguably, no one should do it. Why then, is a rich joke more palatable than a poor joke? Because society makes the two incongruent. The day poor people and rich people are able to navigate our society with equal ease will be the day it’s okay for a rich person to carelessly poke fun at a poor person without immediately being villainized. Until then, as difficult as it may be to accept, there is no such thing as reverse classism. So no, Johnny, it wouldn’t be okay for you—a rich person—to ever poke fun at the poor. Sound familiar?

Having your concerns minimized in a society that scrutinizes victims of social justice -isms for speaking out is exhausting. Likewise, the inevitable push-back that comes with existing on the privileged side of an -ism isn’t enjoyable either. One day I hope we can understand that attempting to solve the problem by tipping the scale, rather than leveling it, is an inadequate solution.

My dream is that one day we can all just exist as people.

But until then, there is no true, equivocal reverse.

In what areas are you “privileged” in society? In what areas are you “disadvantaged”? With what ease are you able to see both perspectives?