Things have a funny way of working out and coming full circle. My medical school journey has felt like a roller coaster. It’s interesting though, that at the end of a roller coaster you end up in the very same place you started. This week, I traveled back to where the second part of my journey began, at my new medical school. We are on campus for the first two years and get the chance to travel away for clinical rotations for the latter part of our education. At the end, near graduation, they bring us back to our home campus for a brief in-person training. The trip back to a small town was nostalgic in the most beautiful ways, and it reminded me of how far I’ve come.
When I think of the process it takes to ride a rollercoaster, it aligns with many of the feelings I felt in deciding to pursue medicine. At an amusement park, it takes patience to wait in line for hours and gumption to decide to ride the rollercoaster in the first place. You are brave, casting aside all worry. You choose to move forward with courage despite the fear that could have held you back. Being a pre-med, persevering through and conquering all the “weed-out” courses felt like waiting in line for the ride. Choosing to re-apply to medical school and start all over after facing failure felt like being sent to a new ride altogether and having to start from the back of the line.
On the ride, as you creep slowly to the top of the very first hill, before the initial drop, you tend to forget all about what it took to get you to that point. You now are at the peak. You’ve forgotten much of what is now behind you and look forward only to what is ahead. That’s what life feels like now as I move closer towards graduation.
There is a choice in where I direct my attention from that peak. I dare not to look back for too long, or down. At the top of that first hill, many of us start to wonder where all the gumption, or faith, in deciding to ride this ride came from. After all, you’re sitting moments away from one giant stomach drop, followed by many twists and turns that are now completely out of your control. You wait in anticipation as the ride seems to pause completely and the wheels of the roller coaster slowly turn forward. There is no room for regret, because there’s no turning back now anyhow. Instead, you pat yourself on the back for being this brave to get on the ride and brace yourself for whatever comes next.
Suddenly, you find yourself screaming to the very top of your lungs.
The wind blasts your face and you decide to finally have fun. Your body releases its tension completely. And, if you’re daring, you throw your hands carelessly into the air and trust that the ride will safely carry you through to its completion.
I think life in general is like that, like a rollercoaster you can’t control. Or rather, an amusement park designed by one incredible Engineer.
Personally, it feels like I am at the end of something, and yet at the very beginning of something else. The thing about rollercoasters is that you never really know where you are in the ride while you’re riding it. Some days, I feel I am at that first peak of my roller coaster through life, having come so far and yet have so much more ahead of me.
Other days, I recognize I’ve been slowly climbing the incline of my career rollercoaster for a while and have a choice in where to direct my attention. I can make the mistake of looking down, dwelling on what’s behind in fear, anxiety, or regret. Or I can simply look up and out, enjoying the view I’ve worked so hard and conquered so much to get to.
Who knows, whatever the ride, maybe this isn’t the first peak at all. After all, on a roller coaster, there are several peaks. Either way, I realize the ride won’t last forever, and I may as well enjoy it.
It’s been a long journey, but I trust the Engineer. No going back. Only forward. Onwards and upwards, and everything in between. There have been many hurdles and challenges, but I realize the unexpected turns and loops are what make a good ride.
The valleys are temporary. But it’s also wise to remember that the peaks are too. I’m grateful for the journey. Moreover, I am thankful for the opportunities to pause and take in the view.
Here’s to peaceful endings, fresh beginnings, and the grace to find joy in the journey.
Where are you on your roller coaster ride?
