This has been one heck of a year. And I realize that I’ve been holding back. I have been writing, a lot. And over the last several posts, for years now, I’ve alluded to writing for other outlets, whether that be professional or personal. This—Thoughtful Gems—is an in-between space. I feel free here, but social norms have me convinced that some things are better left off the internet.

That said, I have been trying to discern the best way to go about sharing the gems life has been teaching me lately. There are several posts I have begun and decided against posting because the more I do this, the more I realize that I must be careful about what I say. Words have power. And I’d like to use mine wisely.

Furthermore, I try to only speak on what I know about. I am open, but not always, and not with everything. I prefer transparency though, and I think its time I reclaim my space. Make it what I want it to be and not what society tells me it should be.

Besides, even when I’m not open, I still say a lot. I still reveal A LOT. And I’m okay with that.

I’m curious. What about you, are you…open? Open with the people you love; with the people you want to love?

Thinking about how people are innately has my mind wandering about the hedonic treadmill. The hedonic treadmill is this concept which basically asserts that regardless of what life throws our way, for better or for worse, we wind up back where we started, mentally.

That is, if you’re a happy person, you’ll remain happy. Even if the worse possible thing happens to you, in a certain amount of time, you’ll bounce back.

And if you’re naturally, say, pessimistic about everything, then you’ll somehow find your way back there mentally, even if you receive every single thing your heart desires.

I wonder what that says about our spirits.

I personally like to think that people can change, if they truly desire change for themselves. I’m living proof of that. Or maybe it’s just that I decided to change what I was feeding my spirit. Perhaps that makes all the difference.

At any rate, I suppose we may all very well be predisposed to spiritual characteristics in the same way that our genetics predispose us each to something or another physically and mentally.

But just because we’re predisposed to something doesn’t mean that we have to succumb to it. A predisposition isn’t a life sentence.

Our lives are what we were born into, but by and large our mindsets, actions and choices are what we make them to be.

In 2023, lets harness that power. It’s power we all have.

I’ve spent so much time feeling like a misfit. A misfit for thinking about things in an abnormal way. For doing better in one-on-one interactions than in group settings. For understanding big pictures so well that it’s hard to pinpoint where the details to paint those pictures even came from. I’ve felt different for loving beyond limitation. Different for somehow being the student who knows what it’s like to exist at the very top and very bottom of her class.

In 2023, I’d like to get rid of that misfit mindset.

Because I’ve matured to realize that no box, no matter how hard I’ve searched, seems to fit anyhow.

And that’s okay.

Who knows, maybe someday soon I’ll accept that the “box” simply does not exist at all. And the boxes that everyone else seems to fit into so neatly is all just some grandiose illusion. Maybe, someday, I’ll see the boxes for what they really are.

But today, my spirit, my heart and my energy are focused on a beautiful space that’s starting to feel like home; a place somewhere off in the horizon of 2023. An ever-expanding space that welcomes all that I am and all that I’ve become throughout 2022 (and everything that led up to it) with open arms. That space waits for me, intentionally and with curiosity. Waiting to expand in ways it was always meant to expand. The Creator of that space tells me He owns it and that it was created just for me. And because He owns that space, I trust it enough to expand within its trustworthy borders.   

My new year’s resolution, ultimately, is to release the confines of all that’s tried to keep me chained over the years; to give myself continued permission to expand. Not to shrink.

Spilling a little of English tea here, I think I’ve found my kindred spirit. Kindred in all the important ways. Ways that…fit. And it’s better than any box. That too is a potential space of expansion.

This year, I found my freedom. Next year, I’ll grow closer to the Maker of that freedom. I’ve learned that freedom and expansion go hand in hand.

And that expansion, could never be too much.

In a few hours, here in London, the sun will rise for the last time in 2022. And when the sun sets, I’ll be in Amsterdam, far away from here, and far away from the States. But I’ll be back home soon.

And when I return, somehow I know it’s only up from here. ♡