{"id":2820,"date":"2024-05-29T18:58:34","date_gmt":"2024-05-29T18:58:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/?p=2820"},"modified":"2026-05-23T00:19:05","modified_gmt":"2026-05-23T00:19:05","slug":"cant-give-up-now","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/index.php\/2024\/05\/29\/cant-give-up-now\/","title":{"rendered":"It Will End in Victory, Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\u201cI stood before a chaplain and said that although I had failed my medical licensing exam, I was proud of my score increase and I couldn\u2019t shake the feeling that the failure, as painful as it was to receive, was a set up for an even greater testimony. I knew I wasn\u2019t supposed to pass. At least not then. God was doing something far beyond what I could ever ask think or imagine. Just the thought of all that\u2019s happened since then, and all that\u2019s yet to come gives me chills. He\u2019s excellent in all His ways. And the story He was writing is about to get even better.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had faith then, and now.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

12\/27\/23 1:10 AM<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A continuation of “My First Year of Medical School was Hell<\/a>“<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Before You Call Yourself a Failure, Read This.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are so many parts to my medical school journey that never made it to pen and paper. This story has many layers. Here I stand at the start of yet another turning point in my life. I\u2019ve taken the<\/em> exam. Again. Nine hours of perseverance and one ultimate outcome: pass or fail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My outcome: Fail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If it weren\u2019t for my community, I wouldn\u2019t be in the proper headspace to write this at all. There were so many emotions that I felt seeing that \u201cF\u201d across the screen of my results. I was more disappointed than I had ever been in my entire life. But even in my sadness and lack of understanding in why this happened, God lifted my chin and sent a community of support to remind me that He cares.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This story isn\u2019t over. Something tells me it is just the beginning. My journey is nonlinear. But I\u2019ve learned that nothing about a walk of faith ever is. And that\u2019s okay.  I\u2019ll reach the destination eventually. I will pass this exam and I will become a doctor. I will persevere.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My first year of medical school was<\/em> hell. And to be honest, so were many parts of the years thereafter. Who knew one near-death car accident would change the trajectory of the next eight years of my life. By the time I match into residency I will have completed a ten-year journey through medical school. This is my calling. I won\u2019t give up on the race God has set before me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s a story behind each exam failure, and the sinking feeling in my chest has always been the same. Of all the times I\u2019ve received a non-passing score, the one that hurt the most was this one. I just didn\u2019t see it coming. I worked very hard. But by God\u2019s grace I can work harder. I want this. There is divine provision for this. And I know with proper care and dedication I can finally achieve a pass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is interesting how much mindset plays a role in the outcome of one\u2019s performance. Besides lacking the necessary accommodations for my licensing exam, I lacked confidence in some of the preparation process. It is imperative to have faith that the amount of effort I put into studying can improve my exam performance. I must give it my all. And moving forward, it would help to remind myself of who I was before medical school ignited feelings of failure.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have failed, but I am not a failure. There is a difference. Failing<\/em> is something that happens to you. Failure<\/em> is what can define you, only if you allow it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A classmate recently said to me, \u201cYou won\u2019t be remembered for your failures.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Her words were exactly what I needed to hear during such a challenging time. She\u2019s right, I am more than my failures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I failed my licensing exam. But I also graduated with the highest GPA in my high school class and gave a speech about doing your<\/em> best, rather than striving to be the<\/em> best. I am the girl who tutored general and organic chemistry in college because she didn\u2019t want other pre-meds to drop their aspirations just because they felt like they couldn\u2019t do it. Chemistry was hard, but I overcame that hurdle and positioned myself to help others do the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My failures are part of my story, not the whole of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Societal norms and a fractured mindset can make you feel like it isn\u2019t okay to think of yourself positively. It is okay to reflect on your wins and positive attributes. When you think of yourself beneath your worth you lose sight of who you truly are and who you have potential to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rather than ruminating on my failures, remembering who I always have been influences who I have potential to become in this next season of my life. This story will not end in failure. No matter the unexpected turns in my journey, God will get the glory from my testimony.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

An Unexpected Turn<\/strong> Didn’t End My Journey<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For years, I thought about my acceptance into my new program almost daily. Now, I envision graduation day, often. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t have to get this second chance. I\u2019m grateful for this miracle and all the others that led to it. I\u2019ll never forget the day I got my acceptance phone call. I\u2019ll also never forget the work it took to get that acceptance. That story deserves to be told.<\/strong> I have spent my entire twenties living through many miracles, chasing my greatest dreams, and growing into the woman I have always hoped I would become.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember the sleepless nights in the weeks following my withdrawal from my past program and the search for what was next for me. I had a chance at a fresh start not just in school, but in life. I knew that I wanted to enter another graduate program and see it through to its completion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When faced with the chance to pursue something other than medicine, I decided that, if accepted, the time it would take to complete a medical degree program didn\u2019t scare me. I recognized that the time would pass regardless. The next four years could be spent working a job I was not passionate about or spent working towards what I truly wanted to do with my life. I was determined to pursue the latter.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Destination Global Health<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I had been accepted as a Fulbright finalist and had the chance to spend the year abroad, but that was postponed and later canceled due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Plan A and B had fallen through, and there was no plan C. Thankfully, I came across a list of resources offered to Fulbrighters impacted by the pandemic. I seized the opportunity to reach out to the director of a Master of Science in Global Health program to apply for expedited admission. God\u2019s timing was impeccable, as per usual. I was accepted right on time to start the fall semester.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After enrolling in my global health master\u2019s program, my current plan was secured but my future remained uncertain. I was also in the running as a medical school applicant and I applied to only osteopathic programs. And, as fate would have it, my master\u2019s program was housed within an osteopathic medical school, which was a bonus on my application.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

Journey to Acceptance<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The thing about applying as a repeat applicant with medical school history is the challenge in getting application committees to see my past as an asset and not a liability. An additional challenge was finding a medical school that would accept my MCAT score (the test you take to get into medical school) from years prior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I like to think the pandemic gave back to me what it took from me. The original test date for my last attempt at my allopathic licensing exam had been cancelled in randomized test center cancelations due to social distancing. But also due to the pandemic\u2019s impact on standardized testing, MCAT dating cut offs for med school applications were extended. For the program I ultimately ended up at, my dated MCAT score had just made the cut for the date cut-off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I remember writing a letter to the old dean of my past medical school. She and I met via zoom where she agreed to write a letter of recommendation on my behalf to my new program. I had also reached out to current students who attended my program of interest. After speaking with two students separately for over an hour, one offered to write me a letter of recommendation and advocacy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over the years, people have sent other students my way for encouragement in their own academic hiccups. This has inspired me to keep going. Nothing about getting into my medical program was easy. I hustled. I was hungry for this. And I still am. For that matter, nothing about the program itself is easy. But it has been worth it.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

I spent the remainder of application season checking in with the school every so often, updating them about my master\u2019s program and remote research assistant position. I even reached out to the founder of my current medical school after realizing she was an alumnus of the osteopathic medical school my master\u2019s program was housed within. She had serendipitously given a virtual talk for my program, and I saw it as a clear sign that the school she\u2019d founded was the place I needed to be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But turns out she didn\u2019t believe I would get in. And that\u2019s okay. The way I see it, this only strengthens my discernment that it was by God\u2019s grace alone that I got this second chance and fresh start at medical school.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something about this medical school stood out to me from the beginning. I had attended multiple interest meetings and I stayed until the very end of one of them. After many potential applicants had signed off, the admissions person said as part of an answer to someone\u2019s question, \u201cI like someone with a story.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He had no idea who he was speaking to, or any knowledge of the journey that I\u2019d undergone to make it to that call. And I had no idea that the school I was on the call for would change my life by later giving me a chance at a fresh start.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My acceptance came when I least expected it. I was spending time browsing the journals section of TJ Maxx when I glanced down to see a missed phone call. I dropped everything I had in my hand and left the store. I had a feeling who it might have been calling me, but I had no clue returning that phone call would result in me being admitted on the spot. A spot had opened up two weeks before school started and the woman who changed my life forever was calling to see if I wanted it. The praise session that ensued is one I\u2019ll never forget.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

What Comes Next<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

They say getting into medical school is the easy part and staying in is the challenge. And it\u2019s true. Getting into medical school was a hard journey and a blessing all on its own. But staying in has been a miracle. I\u2019m grateful for that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On my first day of school, the same man who\u2019d said he liked someone with a story greeted me with a huge smile and tons of energy as he exclaimed, \u201cAshley McCray is here!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It seemed both my story and my name preceded me. I am blessed that while there are some who can only see my story for its failures, there will always be those who choose to see it for its resiliency.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What comes next for me is uncertain. But I am believing for a pass. I know I can do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Until then, I will persevere. And in time, the remaining parts of this story will be told.<\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There are so many parts to my medical school journey that never made it to pen and paper. This story has many layers. Here I stand at the start of…(13 minutes read time.)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2888,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8,14],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2820","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiration","category-storytime"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/05\/IMG_4617-edited.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2820","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2820"}],"version-history":[{"count":15,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2820\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3044,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2820\/revisions\/3044"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2888"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2820"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2820"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thoughtfulgems.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2820"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}