Touchy subject, I know. But, let’s get into it.

I sat on this topic for a while because, like most people, I don’t particularly find joy in reminiscing on the times where someone essentially took one good look at all that I had to offer and decided that I wasn’t good enough.

When you think about it, rejection expands way beyond the scope of potential romantic relationships. I mean, sure, it can present in the form of one person deeming another unworthy of exclusivity, faithfulness or even plain human decency. But I myself have also experienced rejection from friendships, scholarships, internships—you name it. These are all subtle forms of rejection.

Unfortunately, there’s always going to be something out there in the world capable of making you feel like you’re less worthy than the next person. But, rest assured, rejection is a temporary pain.

When one door closes, another opens.

And… as I type this post, I’ve just managed to reject a man kind enough to come over to my table and introduce himself. *face palm* Am I a complete asshole?

Just moments ago, with a mouth full of Panera’s baked bread and perfectly savory broccoli and cheddar soup, I looked up into the blue eyes of a man I had just seen talking to the lady who’d recently finished cleaning tables.

Little did he know, I had been silently creeping on them both, sneaking peaks in their direction over the screen of my now crumb-infested laptop.

In full Joe Goldberg fashion, I had planted my gaze on the two of them as they stood near the tray-return area. I’m not sure what he said when he initially approached her, but from her demeanor it looked as if she too didn’t know what to make of his comments. Was he… flattering her, or creeping her out??? I couldn’t tell. It’s like she was having an internal debate of whether to politely exit the scene or continue on with the conversation.

I concluded that one of two things must be true: 1) She was taken aback because she wasn’t accustomed to being singled out and complimented by a kind stranger. 2) The guy was a total creep and was clearly taking advantage of her vulnerable disposition. I’ve been here a few times before and she appears to have a mild Autism Spectrum Disorder, which I’ve unfortunately seen both management and customers use as an excuse to talk down to her. In secret protection mode, I watched closely, ready to spring into action if need be. I think she peeped my creepage. She had to have known I had her back.

I presumed the latter of those two possibilities must’ve been true because just a couple of bite, type & creep combos later, I noticed that they had parted ways. And, without a second thought, I went back to reminiscing on rejections of old.

I was in the writing zone when several minutes later I saw him walking towards ME!

I assumed the worst. Wiping out my entire theory from just moments prior, I concluded that he HAD to be selling something. He’s got to be a sales guy soliciting his new business venture or a band junkie promoting his new mixtape…right?

Wrong.

He politely stopped at my table, introduced himself by name and stuck out his hand for a shake. I really wasn’t in the mood for a sales pitch, so I acted quickly to spare him of my inevitable denial of whatever he was selling. I gently waved my hands and shook my head to decline the handshake, before swallowing the bite of soup I was savoring to swiftly let him know that I was “pretty busy”.

Hello, group. My name is Ashley, and I am clearly an asshole.

He slowly placed his unshaken hand down, and with a defeated heart and warm smile said,

“That’s okay. I just wanted to say that you are absolutely beautiful, and I hope that you have someone to tell you that… everyday.”

*clears throat* Uh, yeah, group? Me again. Slight correction. I, Ashley, am clearly a complete*** asshole.

I flashed a friendly smile and told him “thank you”. He paused ever so briefly (presumably for a hopeful change of heart on my part) and then calmly went on about his way.

And that’s how easily it happens. It’s inevitable; rejection is everywhere.

I’ll never know what that guy’s true intentions were, but I am 100% positive that the empath in me will feel bad about this encounter for the entire rest of the day…and maybe even tomorrow. I’ll also likely feel a random burst of guilt about this 3 years from now.

But, on the bright side, this is exactly why I’ve learned not to take rejection so personally. Let’s face it, we’ve all experienced it at some point. And, we’ve all likely dished it out as well. Does that make rejection a villainous crime?

I’m sure that same guy has deemed some girl unworthy of his bold approach at some point in time, and that itself is a form of rejection.

Completely unrelated: Now I’ve just randomly been approached by the bakery chef lady who’s personally delivering two arm-fulls of fresh-baked cookies and brownies to customers for FREE. What the heck is going on at Panera today???

Hey, I won’t complain.

Anyway,

Rejection absolutely SUCKS, but it happens to the best of us, and I don’t think anyone is immune to it. Even Beyoncé in all her beauty and artistic glory has experienced rejection.

The friends who have skipped over me for invites to hangouts, parties, group chats, dinner dates or even a simple text message reply have about as good a reputation with me as I do with any guy who’s experienced a form of rejection from me in the past. The temporary feeling of unworthiness is just the same. And, from what I can gather, these same individuals appear to be high-quality, extremely dependable, consistent and caring friends towards plenty of other people; it’s just, you know, I’m not one of them. And that’s okay. I’ve got true friends—who don’t make me feel rejected—to focus on.

Is it still shade if it’s a fact?

Part of what I was getting at in my Do Villains Even Exist post is that people tend to act in their own self-interest, and that doesn’t necessarily make them the “bad guy”. Sometimes, what you’re experiencing from the other party isn’t even personal. If for whatever reason I had just gotten terrible news and preferred to be left alone at my table to process my thoughts, my response to the bold Panera guy would more than likely have been exactly the same.

It’s not always about you personally.

I know this from experience. Does this ring a bell?

“…the timing for that attention couldn’t have been any more off. I just wasn’t focused on pursuing any kind of relationship. I needed a friend. A f-r-i-e-n-d. Even if I wasn’t still working through flashbacks from a near-death experience, even if I weren’t in the middle of trying not to fail out of medical school, even if I weren’t still mourning the sudden loss of a friend, there was still the whole losing-someone-I’d-loved-for-nearly-a-decade thing that I never got a real chance to cope with before all other aspects of my life went up in flames.”

Thoughtful Gems, “My First Year of Medical School was Hell“

I am fully capable of giving devout attention, loyalty and high priority to any man that I officially date, but that privilege doesn’t just get handed out to any person who expresses interest at any given time. And, it’s not always personal. In upholding my own immediate goals and evolving standards over the years, I’ve inevitably dished out about as much overt rejection of my own as I’ve received from others. And, that’s also okay; any guy that I’ve ever rejected already has or inevitably will find an even greater match in another partner.

Trust me, whatever it is, whoever it is, there’s a bigger blessing on the other side. But first, you have to choose to receive growth and not defeat.

We’ve got to stop summing people up as all good or all bad. We’ve also got to stop letting rejection define us. It’s inexcusable to allow one or two rejections turn you into someone who spends the rest of his or her life carelessly inflicting that SAME pain onto other people. It’s childish. And there are other ways to cope.

Leveling up doesn’t have to always mean changing something about yourself. Try shifting the direction of your energy. Find people who value you for you.

Believe me, they’re out there. ♡

How do YOU handle rejection?