What’s your biggest pet peeve? Is it nail biting? When someone chews with their mouth open? Loud music from the car sitting next to you in traffic?

For me, my biggest pet peeve is a little… abstract.

My biggest pet peeve is inconsideration, of any kind. Always has been, and probably always will be. I’ve known this about myself for a while, but lately I’ve been diving into what this really means and why it matters to me so much.

Allow me to explain.

This isn’t to imply that I’ve never been inconsiderate of someone else’s time, space or emotions. Oh, I absolutely have. But, as an empathetic and HSP (highly sensitive person), I generally take into account the feelings and emotions of others. So, it’s challenging to be on the receiving end of inconsiderate decisions, especially from those I hold in high regard.

You know that feeling when you text someone and they decide to text you back several days later—or perhaps never texts you back at all? What about when you make plans with someone, and they cancel last minute? How about when you make yourself available for someone who never seems to be available when you need them in return? And that friendship that still exists solely because you’re the person reaching out to maintain it, does that make you feel good?

I don’t think anyone appreciates being ignored or landing last on someone’s priority list, but these things happen all the time. And, if we’re being honest, at some point in our lives we’ve probably left someone we care about feeling undervalued because of how we chose to prioritize our time. Often, its completely unintentional.

But patterns matter. They exist, and they send a very strong message.

As a rule of thumb, I say:

Once is a mistake, twice is a habit.

And multiple times is certainly an affirmation of character.

One of my biggest regrets in life is missing out on seeing the legendary Maya Angelou speak in person when she visited my college campus several years ago. At the time, my priorities as a pre-medical student involved juggling school, a crummy ex-boyfriend and any semblance of a social life that could squeeze past the constant flow of stress. I have no recollection of what exam, meeting or personal endeavor was more important than carving out time to meet THE Maya Angelou that day. And, sadly enough, I did not realize how skewed my priorities were until she died the very next year, and I realized I had missed out on an opportunity that I could never get back. I had not yet discovered my love for writing. And, if I had, I certainly would have done anything within my power to make myself available to be in the presence of such a wise and influential soul.

Maya Angelou may no longer be with us, but many of her gems can still inspire us today.

The quotes,

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you. So, that’s why it’s important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.”

and

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

are so true.

Life happens. And I understand that things get busy sometimes. But this isn’t always the case. The way I see it, if someone consistently cancels plans with me, never responds to my texts within a considerate time frame or never seems to be available, that doesn’t necessarily make them a villain in my story. It just clearly communicates that I’m not a priority in theirs. And that’s okay. I think its each of our inherent duties to prioritize ourselves and the people who matter most to us in our lives. Logistically, everyone isn’t going to make it onto that list.

So, I get it.

In this phase of my life, I’ve been tapping more into the freedom that comes in focusing on what I have control over in a situation, rather than what I don’t. Regardless the circumstance, each of us has authority over how we choose to respond or adapt.

In this case, I’ve realized that the root of my frustration with inconsideration lies mainly within myself, and within the expectations I inherently have for people who never agreed to meet them. So, I’ve adjusted my expectations. And I’m learning to focus more of my attention on people who consistently make me feel like my presence and place in their life is valued, while creating less space on my priority list for those who don’t.

I don’t think any of us ought to spend too much of our voluntary time interacting with people who make us feel small or doing things that don’t add value to our lives. Life’s far too full to leave room for people and things that don’t lift our spirits. People who value having you in their life will act like it. Your place on their priority list will be clear, and you won’t have to petition for a higher place on it.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but:

No professional, romantic, familial or platonic relationship is worth total depletion of your energy.

To live more abundantly, we each have the option to fill our time with things and people that bring us joy. I’d like to think that isn’t just a rich man’s luxury, but a reality we could all attain if we adjusted our priority lists accordingly.

The older I get, the more interpersonal adjustments I’ve been willing to make and time I’ve been willing to protect for my own peace of mind. If everyone else can prioritize themselves, why can’t I give myself permission to do the same?

I’m adapting, and I’m better for it.

For everyone else out there, may the priority list be ever in your favor. ♡