You have to know your worth. I don’t even know how to dive into this topic without spilling my romance history all over the internet. I’ll just put it like this:

If someone wants to be with you, they will be with you. You can’t force that.

I think at the heart of it all each of us has enough insight to know when we’re selling ourselves short. But our egos won’t allow us to move on and accept defeat when it’s staring us in the face. Think about it. How many times does a guy continue to pursue a girl in spite of the fact that she’s blatantly expressed disinterest? How often do women wait around for a guy to commit, all the while giving the best she has to offer for some indefinite amount of time?

I’d like to challenge the idea that the lingering attraction for a person of interest beyond the point of rejection stems from love; rather, I think it comes from our innate desire to feel worthy. We just want affirmation that we’re enough. And so we’re constantly trying to convince others of this very fact. We don’t give up after someone fails to reciprocate our same level of interest because we’re still holding onto hope that one day our unrequited love will be reciprocated, thus avoiding the pain that comes with a bruised ego. I think love is a factor in that pain, no doubt, but there’s something to be said for that sinking feeling that follows seeing your ex move on. It impinges on our subtle but constant need for external validation.

Hear me out.

Do you ever think about the fact that moving on from a person isn’t really all that bad… until you see them with someone else? It’s like you can reason with the fact that the two of you didn’t work out just fine. It’s only when you catch a glimpse of your replacement, or even fathom the idea of your ex-whatever one day filling the space you once occupied with someone else, that things take a turn. That shift in attention, even if only in theory, crushes the soul. Sometimes this feeling only lasts for a moment, and other times it takes years to get over. This is why I don’t think relationship grief is truly complete until both parties move on. Seeing someone you once loved grow to love someone else is the last, and arguably most painful, hurdle one faces. Only then can he or she finally patch up old wounds for good and breathe a sigh of relief knowing that the worst is over.

We collect the shattered pieces of our bruised egos and come to accept the unsettling fact that everyone’s replaceable, even ourselves. There are enough fish in the sea for each person to choose from.

We all want love, and we’re all capable of having it. But too often we get in our own way of having a magnificent romance because we’re too busy investing valuable energy into people who don’t see us in the same light.

Stop doing that.

Again, there are enough fish in the sea, and one of them is bound to be looking for you.

Know your worth, add tax and don’t sell yourself as a bargain. It doesn’t make much sense to be giving full effort and charging half price. You are not on clearance. I mean how much more care do you take of those few and far between high-ticket items in your closet versus the countless items that you’ve found on sale? Right, I thought so. Don’t be the sales item. You’re worth so much more than you give yourself credit for, and someone out there is willing to pay a pretty penny to claim you as their own. Tired of the analogy? Have you read Situationships Are Like Fastfood? I can do this all day.

I say this all from a place of experience, not judgement. I’ve leveled up in my approach to dating and life in general. We thank God for growth. I’m not bound by the standards of my past. Hear me when I say this: (where is my megaphone?)

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO LEVEL UP AT ANY TIME.

Set new standards for yourself and those who you’ll someday deem worthy of your energy. And stick to them.

Change is good. Change is allowed. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

It’s really hard to move forward when you’re still stuck on why a person from your past didn’t think you were enough. But did you really want to end up with someone who’s perfectly content with releasing you back into the ocean anyway; or worse, keeping you in a private tank (so that no one can else snag you), meanwhile they themselves are still out scavenging the ocean? Probably not.

You’re a catch, and one day you’ll be caught by someone who’s willing to put in the time and effort necessary to reel you in. The timing will be just right, and they won’t be afraid to cast the net. And, best of all, they won’t ever dare let you go.

But until then, just keep swimming. ❤