A few years ago, I heard a host on a podcast ask, “What would you be doing if you were not in your current field?”

It was a simple question, but it sent me into a reflective spiral about what my own answer would be to this question. I ended up talking to my best friend about it that night and I asked what her answer would be. When asked the question in return, without hesitation, I replied that I probably would have been an English major or something like that, and eventually some sort of writer.

Before I had ever considered a career in medicine, I had gotten my academic start in a performing arts elementary school. And doggonit, I was good! With such early training in dancing, acting and a brief introduction to creative writing, I wanted nothing more than to one day make it big time. I figured if I didn’t have the proximity or resources to join the ranks of those kids twirling the fancy light-up baton, writing out the word “Disney”, on Disney Channel, then the pinnacle of my success would be admission to The Juilliard School in New York City for college and to one day join the outrageously talented Alvin Ailey Dance Theater performers on tour.

High expectations, I know. But, hey, if I had remained in performing arts and was ever asked what I’d be doing otherwise, my overly ambitious answer would have been, “Idk, I probably would have been a science major and went to medical school.”

And, alas, here we are.  

Julliard was my original dream, but it kind of went down the drain when I moved from a performing arts magnet elementary school to a math and science magnet elementary school. A dream lost, or a dream realized? I say, both. Ever since the switch, subconsciously, all I’ve ever done was try and climb my way back on stage. So, admittedly, yes, when thinking about my answer to this question I briefly considered what could have been. But my thoughts quickly shifted to what could still be.

The topic left me such a big frenzy of thoughts that I ended jotting them down in the middle of the night and couldn’t help but to share my newfound revelations with someone else. Inevitably, an old friend ended up receiving a rather lengthy and jumbled follow-up text message that night. And, thanks to the nifty Notes app, I still have access to that message.

It read:

“This is all very new to me. I have never written like this before…ever. Those AP English classes in high school and my college English course taught me how to write essays that analyze pieces of literature. And, over time, in having my essays marked up with lots of red ink, I became a better writer. In having so much mandatory reading, I was subconsciously studying how to write. In going to the library with my dad and checking out books as a kid or tagging along to the Book-Nook (a used bookstore in metro Atlanta) with him for as long as I can remember, I was strengthened the reading skills that later helped me to excel in school. In applying to countless internships & scholarships over the years, I learned how to write about myself, specifically in a way that would resonate with the reader. By having those personal statement-style essays marked up by various editors, I learned how to better convey my overall message.

It never occurred to me that any of these things would one day help me with my blog. I simply chose the blog route because I didn’t want to ramble on camera (in attempts to create a YouTube channel) and thought writing my messages down would be better. Lol. But I’ve been thinking about this over the past day or so and I’m trying to figure out why this feels like I’m discovering some hidden talent I didn’t even know I had. Why I feel like I’m doing what I was supposed to have been doing all along. To be naturally good at something I didn’t have to bust my ass for… is a feeling I’ve never known.

And I’m honestly pretty emotional about it, and about the feedback I’ve been getting since I launched my blog. It’s surreal to be able to use my personality traits for something positive, for once. If I didn’t remember the vivid details that everyone else forgets, if I didn’t explain things in the way that I do, if I weren’t long-winded, if I weren’t able to understand things from multiple perspectives, if I weren’t blatantly honest, if I weren’t unafraid to speak up, if I didn’t talk in circles to string multiple things together, if I didn’t pay attention to detail and weren’t a perfectionist, if I didn’t go above and beyond on every single creative project in school as a kid, if I didn’t snap random photos of special, raw & natural moments in my travels and in my daily life…there would be NO Thoughtful Gems.” – August 28, 2019, 11:33pm.

I sent this in a text message.

A text message.

When I said, “I no longer want to solely flood my friends with my thoughts” in my About page, this is the kind of thing I was talking about.

I like writing. But it was never about the words for me. It was about the ideas behind the words; or rather, the depth that those words could create. Writing is a release for me and it’s where I can be my truest self. In the blogosphere, the traits I’ve spent so much time being self-conscious about can finally thrive.

So, yeah, it would be neat to make this part of my career. That’s the plan. But my why has never been about compensation and recognition as much as it has been about freedom, influence and purpose. (See Dream Chasing Isn’t for the Faint of Heart). If this becomes more than what I ever dreamed possible one day, that’ll be amazing. And I wholeheartedly think its possible. I serve a God of intention, and don’t think He placed this on my heart for nothing.

I write from the soul, and I understood in jumping into this that every post won’t be for everybody. But, for those who come to learn, to listen and to engage respectfully, hear it from me personally: you’re who makes this passion most fulfilling.

So, I’m back. And I’m not going anywhere. A lot has happened, and a lot is still to come. My life’s journey never seems to have a dull moment, and I’ve always felt that journey was meant to be shared with others.  

In a world that tells me I have too much to say and believes that taboo topics should remain untouched, I appreciate having a place where I can say whatever the heck I want, uninterrupted. I like having a space to call my own, and to share my life stories and anecdotes. A part of me even wanted this space just so that I could set the record straight about things that have been falsely assumed of me (*cough* My First Year of Medical School was Hell). But, more than anything else, I wanted a place to finally be able to finish my thoughts in their entirety—in all their lengthy, rich, descriptive, mind-stimulating and self-reflective glory.

For me, this is home. ♡